Letting Go of Perfection — Choosing Peace Over Performance

In this Mental Health Awareness Month episode of Lit with Lara Ashley, Lara Ashley explores the quiet weight of perfectionism: how it shows up in our daily lives, why it’s so hard to release, and what it looks like to choose peace instead.

Through personal reflection and insights inspired by Nedra Glover Tawwab and her work in Set Boundaries, Find Peace, this episode unpacks the connection between perfectionism, boundaries, and self-worth.

Lara reflects on the pressure to perform, the fear of not getting it right, and the emotional cost of constantly trying to meet unrealistic expectations, especially in a world shaped by comparison and visibility.

This episode also includes accessible mental health resources and a curated Community Library of self-help books to support your journey toward a more aligned, less pressured life.

If you’ve ever felt like you had to be perfect to be enough; this conversation is for you.

Grab your favorite drink, settle in, and give yourself permission to just be.

This episode was lit. ✨

Transcript

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Hey friends, and welcome back to Lit with Laura Ashley. This is your cozy corner of the internet where we talk about books, life, and the moments that shape us, especially the ones we don't always talk about out loud. So wherever you are, whether you're getting ready for the day, cleaning, resting, or just trying to catch your breath, go ahead and grab your favorite drink and settle in. Because today's episode is about something a lot of us carry quietly. We're talking about perfectionism, not excellence, not growth, but the pressure to always get it right and what it looks like to finally let that go. Perfection perfectionism isn't about being perfect. It's about fear. Fear of being judged, being misunderstood, not being enough. And sometimes fear of being seen at all. It shows up as overthinking everything. I'm guilty of that. Procrastinating because you don't want to fail, never feeling satisfied with what you've done, and constantly raising the bar so you never quite reach it. And in today's world, with social media, comparison, and constant visibility, perfectionism has become almost normalized. But because something is common doesn't mean it's healthy. Recent studies have shown that perfectionism is increasing, especially among younger generations. More people are reporting anxiety tied to performance, burnout, which we talked about last week's episode, from unrealistic expectations, and a constant feeling of not doing enough. And when you pair that with social media, you're just living your life. Well, you're not just living your life, you're actually watching everyone else live theirs too. And that comparison, it feeds perfectionism. This is something I've had to unlearn because for a long time I thought if I just do everything right, everything will work out. If I show up perfectly, if I say the right things, if I make the right moves, then I feel secure. But what I've learned is perfectionism doesn't create peace, it creates pressure. And sometimes it keeps you from even starting. I want to bring in the work of Tedra Glover Twab, especially her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace. I mentioned this book in the last episode, and when I talked about burnout. I think that this book especially is not exclusively about perfectionism, but it addresses something that I know I've had difficulty dealing with, just setting boundaries. Because perfectionism often exists where boundaries don't. When you say yes too often, take on too much, or try to meet everyone's expectations, you end up performing instead of living. And I know for me, that's something that I definitely had to deal with a lot. Nadra talks about how boundaries are not about shutting people out, they're about protecting your capacity. I'm gonna say that again because I feel like I need to hear that, and I know others did too. Nadra talks about how boundaries are not about shutting people out, they're about protecting your capacity. And that's something perfectionism doesn't allow. Perfectionism says do more, but boundaries say do what's aligned. Letting go of perfectionism is hard because it's worked. It's gotten you opportunities, validation, recognition, and those are the things that make us feel good, or it makes us feel like that's something that makes us feel good. So you hold on to it. But what we don't talk about is what it costs you your peace, your rest, and your ability to just be, which is something that Nedra definitely talks about in her book. Letting go of perfection doesn't mean you stop caring, it means you start finishing things instead of overthinking them. You allow yourself to be seen before you feel ready. You choose progress over pressure, and most importantly, you stop tying your worth to your performance. I've been very honest and open on my podcast, especially in the very first one where I talk about how I'm just starting. I've been thinking about doing this podcast for a very long time, and every time I'm like, oh, it's not gonna be perfect. Oh, I still need all these ideas. Oh, I'm only doing like five to 10 minute podcasts. Who the crap wants to only listen to five, 10-minute episodes? Like when people listen to podcasts, they want to listen to 30 minutes, an hour, maybe even two hours. I don't have that much to talk about, I don't have that much to say. And then I'll feel awkward because it's just me. I don't have a co-host, I don't have interviews yet. This is me just starting. But because of it, those perfection things are making me not do it. And that's why it took until 2026 for me to finally be like, you know what? I'm just gonna do it. I'm just gonna put it out there. Let me try like two episodes per month and we'll see where it goes. Because I finally let go of trying to be perfect, trying to make this podcast into something that I see, or comparing it to others, or what I envision it to be, or be like, okay, let me wait until somebody else is a host with me, and I don't feel like a weird duck just doing this by myself, sitting in my home library by myself with my dog and just doing it. I limited myself. I allowed myself to believe that that's what needed to be done for this to be perfect. But you know, no matter what comes out of it, no matter if it's only like two of y'all that are listening, which I so appreciate, at least I did it. At least I'm finally releasing myself of feeling like it has to be something or it has to look like this way for it to be this great thing. I'm releasing those stagnants and those things that I believe have to make it great to just go ahead and do it. And at the end of the day, it gives me so much joy to be able to sit down and really talk about books. Talk about things that I know I'm interested in and not feel like I'm a community of one. Because let's be real, being a book nerd sometimes makes you feel like you're the only person until you finally go to a book conference or a bookstore and you're like, oh my gosh, there's like 30, 100, 500 of us. And if I know I'm not the only book lover in the world, then I know I'm not the only person who is going through perfectionism and feeling like I have to be this person to be perfect and live a full life. So if you're like me and you're navigating perfectionism, here are some great resources that you can use along with a therapist. Because once again, I am not a therapist. I just thank God every day that I have my therapist, Haley. Shout out to you, girl, who is able to catch me and remind me why it's important to always fight back. Inclusive therapists, obviously, I feel like having somebody who can listen and you feel is a safe space is important. The Love Land Foundation, this is a great resource for you. And the Open Path Collective, I talked about in my last one about burnout. But once again, that's just a really good place where if you feel stuck and you feel like you're not seen, that they will help you. And if they don't have it, they will find the right people who do. Because support exists and it can be accessible. And for the community library, if this episode resonated, here are some books to explore. Of course, this book that I talked about, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Untamed, Atomic Habits. I know that it's been a very popular book for like decades, but it's really good. And then my one of my favorite series, You Are a Badass. I love this author. She has, of course, You Are a Badass just for self-help, but also in finances and your career, and just really helps you dive in into more of who you are and what you want. But of course, it goes back to having a therapist as well. These books, plus a therapist and a you know, shameless plug, Jesus Christ will help you in these discoveries. Books that remind you that you don't have to earn your worth, these are the books that will help you out. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy. You already are. I'm Lau Ashley to always remind you that this, these episodes, and you are so lit.